There are a million ways I could
start this post. Believe me, I have thought of many... I am pretty much done with
my first academic year at Walsh and I can’t even begin to explain how I feel.
There is one thing I know for sure: I am not the same person I was when I arrived
in August.
I
remember my first day so vividly, but at the same time it doesn’t haunt me anymore. There were a lot of tears. You wouldn’t expect this from a
girl who was super excited about “starting over” in a sense. She had a new
major, a new university, and many new people to meet. But leaving the
friends I had made at Akron was not the source of my tears. My living situation bothered me. The best way to describe it was that I felt
like I was going to explode…not that many people can even begin to think of how
one could feel like that. Within 24 hours, two people had stayed the night and
about 5 or 6 people had already come over. A partying lifestyle was in the future and it was just not my cup of tea. So I cried about that. Not necessarily that,
but I felt trapped. I felt there was no way out beside going home.
But I definitely cried about
missing my friends. It was just unexpected and delayed. I was holding back
tears as I talked to one of my friends in the prayer garden on the phone. I am not sure if you are familiar with Glee, but Rachel Berry at the start of season 4
in New York was me.
My first 24 hours were not at all what I expected
them to be. It wasn’t until I stepped into the chapel for Mass that it really
hit me.
I had
spent the previous year of college attending 8 pm Mass with my absolute best
friends at St. Bernard’s church in Akron. It was my home. The Catholic church
is my home. I walked into a crowded chapel and managed to find the seat at the
end of a pew. I figured that Mass would make me feel better. Who better to unload my problems to than God Himself? I had been warmly greeted by not only
students, but the EUCHARIST. On the outside, I was content and at peace, but I
was a wreck on the inside. I was so excited to see what opportunities I had at Walsh and at the same time wanted to bawl my eyes out because it was all so new.
Despite my best efforts, I wasn’t fooling anybody. During the opening hymn, I was basically failing at preventing tears from rolling down my cheeks.. All I kept thinking was how I should be celebrating Mass with my friends. Never did I once ever regret or ask why I was at
Walsh though. I returned from Mass and my roommates nicely asked how it went. I
said, “I enjoyed it” and retreated to my room to call my mother. One word:
TEARS.
Within
the next 24 hours my mother was on campus and we were getting a housing
assignment settled. We had a plan in place. Between crying, barely eating, and
simply being upset, I still had to attend my first day of classes. Being emotional
and in a new place made me feel completely alienated. It did not get any
better because I had human phys that day. I definitely underestimated it and it
brought to light something I never even considered. Low and behold I was
walking in on a 300 level class that was full of juniors and seniors already
acquainted with one another. I never understood the whole “girl at a new
school” cliché until I was sitting ALONE at a table in this classroom while
everyone greeted one another. Inside I was begging for someone to come sit by
me and talk to me. Later in class I would be put in a group that
made my first semester and human phys itself enjoyable.
Getting
involved was another thing I was excited about. I was used to going to a
Catholic based group on Wednesday nights and experiencing good fellowship and
faith. Coming to Walsh, I knew it wouldn’t be like Akron. I just never thought
I wouldn’t be involved in anything spiritual in the slightest. I joined my
major club and looked around at the other opportunities, but I never really
found anything that fit.
Around
this time I had questioned to myself about what “Drama Club” meant, which was listed on the Walsh website. When originally going to college, I had wanted to drop theatre just like a snake sheds its skin. After two years without it though, I was
missing it. I wanted a chance to audition and really try to embody a character,
something I never did in high school. The next day I got an email about
auditions for Steel Magnolias. I
immediately went to Mark’s office to pick up a script. Long story short, I was
cast and it made a world of a difference. Not only was I involved, but I met 5
other girls and bonded with them. It wasn’t instant, but over time we really
had a bond similar to the southern women we were portraying.
After
that summary of my first couple weeks at Walsh (especially the first 24 hours),
I think about where I was and where I am now. I am not God nor do I claim to
be, but I can look back and see the path He laid for me. I owe my rejuvenation
of my faith to Akron Newman. Without them, I wouldn’t know who I am right now.
I know that Newman had a time and place in my life. It has served its purpose. Never
did I think God would send me to Walsh and give me the opportunity to be involved
in theatre again. I was just a girl wanting to focus on her new major and preparing
for grad school. God really showed me that I didn’t need a weekly meeting of
friends to stay close to Him. He found a way to use me and allow me to use my
gifts and talents.
I have
been in two shows, have met so many people, are getting to know people in my
major, and realized there are people here on my side. I haven’t realized until
recently how many people I know and how much of a home Walsh has become. To be
honest, I am looking forward to finals, but I kind of don’t want to leave. I
love my Akron friends and will continue those relationships, but I don’t miss
Akron anymore. I truly don’t. My heart is full and I am at peace. God has
revealed the strength He has given me. Without Him, I wouldn’t have even
survived those first 24 hours. Sometimes I think it is weird that I
transferred. I can’t believe that I did! Sometimes I often wonder about if I
never had transferred or if I had started at Walsh, all which are impossible!
Then I think of how amazing my journey was and how I would never be where I am
today without any part of it. I couldn’t imagine my life without all the people that I have met and built relationships with. I could have started this post with “Toto, I've a feeling we’re not in Akron anymore”or “What am I doing here?”, but I
know exactly why I am here. And I couldn’t feel more content and joyous than I already am!
