Growing up, I always found Confession a scary and daunting Sacrament. Although I knew that Jesus was able to forgive my sins through the Sacrament, it was never comforting to me. I'll never forget one night when I was in second grade. I was laying in my parents bed after being put to bed at 7:30- 8 o'clock. I often stayed up a couple hours just laying there because I wasn't tired. This particular night I was basically praying to God that I wouldn't have to go to Confession the next day at school. I did not like Confession because it made me nervous. Mind you, this was back when my sins consisted of kicking, punching, pinching, etc. my sister. Now, I understand the fact that admitting you did something bad is not pleasant by any means. I always felt like I had to go to the bathroom standing in line at the confessionals. So anyway, I kept plotting on how to "give myself a fever" so I didn't have to go to school. As an 8 year old, my ideas were not very realistic, but I thought that they might work. It didn't matter though because when my mother got home from work at 11 o'clock, she came to give me a kiss goodnight and felt I was warm. She took my temperature and told me I was not going to school because I indeed had a fever.
Looking back on this moment I have to chuckle. I am still in shock that God answered my prayers that night and urgently. I thought He would've said no. Since then, my feelings surrounding Confession have changed.
Once it was suggested to me by a priest that I should try to go to Confession at least once a month or every other month so that it will become a habit and I wouldn't be nervous or scared about it. It would become more of a lifestyle than a dreadful task. This was back in high school when I seldom went to Confession, which basically meant I went when I missed Mass. Of course I never made Confession a habit, but I filed the information in my mind. Now, as a college student, I do try to go to Confession once a month because it is an opportunity to grow closer to God. It also is a way to make sure I stay accountable for even the most venial sins in my life. It also is a way to routinely talk to God and truly tell Him I am sorry. It is true that taking part in the Eucharist is a way to be forgiven for venial sins. Venial sins should not keep you from participating in the Eucharist because everyone sins and in no way are we perfect.
Honestly, since I have come to college and have tried to go once a month, I have become more comfortable with Confession and have even come to enjoy it. There is no better feeling than kneeling down and praying after Confession...except maaaybe when I receive Jesus at Mass on Sundays aaaand Adoration. :) It is just a way to see God's undying love for us. To think that I have messed up continually pretty much every day of my life and God is there to say "It's alright. I still love you!" Of course when I went before Easter I was nervous, but really opening myself up to God and acknowledging my feelings made me more at peace.
I highly recommend trying to go once a month. Not only does it feel good to tell the priest that your last confession wasn't a million years ago, but it makes it a part of your life, just like Mass. I would suggest starting this a routine with a friend, significant other, family member, or group of some sort. I know that I began by going to Confession because I hadn't been to Church in months. Then I kept going with my Newman group. This past Easter (time) was the first time I went by myself to get my obligation taken care of and not because I missed Mass.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Adoration: Time with the Blessed Sacrament
I walk into the church. I dip my finger in holy water and make the Sign of the Cross. I genuflect before I make my way over to the pews. It is stuffy in the church, but it is a reminder of the beautiful weather of a September evening. The fans are going around overhead.Their buzz and a little bit of chatter are the only sounds that fill the church. Still, there is a silence, a peace about. I slip into a pew with two girls I met at Newman. I let down the riser and kneel to pray, which is something involuntary. I am not sure what to expect, but I smile to myself. I continue praying. Then the priest comes out. Adoration and Benediction begins. It's not like I remember...
I am a cradle Catholic and went to Catholic grade school for eight years. I have always been fond of my beliefs, never feeling forced into my faith. I have always enjoyed being Catholic. I just didn't embrace it as much and often found myself going through the motions. For example, sitting through the Stations of the Cross was not the most exciting thing to do in the 1st grade. So what I remembered about adoration wasn't uplifting. Sitting in silence in a church while staring at the Eucharist in a pretty gold thing is how I would describe it. I never remember understanding why adoration was even a thing. Now this may seem ridiculous considering how much emphasis Catholicism puts on the Body of Christ and how we believe that it is, in fact, the FLESH of Jesus Christ. I'll admit that up until that night at adoration with my Newman friends, I still didn't exactly get it. It makes perfect sense now why I didn't understand the beauty and importance of adoration:
1) I didn't really grasp the concept that it was the legitimate Body of Christ. Growing up, I always just thought of it figuratively, BUT AS THE ACTUAL BODY. I knew it was the flesh, but somehow it was still symbolic, but more important than just a symbol. Don't ask me! My previous mind set and thoughts confuse me greatly. This fact about my previous lack of knowledge is very embarrassing.
2) Because of number one, I didn't understand the importance of the ACTUAL BODY OF CHRIST, which is horrible, but I never caught on that I was confused about my beliefs.
It make sense that I can't see the importance of being in the presence of the Body of Christ when I don't even understand that it is his FLESH.
Through our Exalt, which incorporated praise and worship music, not just 100% silence 100% of the time, I learned so much about Jesus' love for me that just never clicked before. It was life changing and I can't even remember what it was like when adoration wasn't a thing in my life. One of the parts that I really love about adoration is the vulnerability we possess because we open our hearts to Jesus and let him know what's up. Being able to confront all our feelings, including the worry, the fear, the sadness, is one of the best feelings. It is truly giving yourself to God, which is the least we can do when we think about what He did for us. I shed tears, but at the end of that Exult I was on a Jesus high. I felt truly invincible and ready to take on the world. I guess you could say I really felt God's grace and the Holy Spirit within me. It was at the Exalt that I was introduced to most of the modern worships songs that I know now. These included:
1) One Thing Remains
2) Here I Am To Worship
3) Our God
I will be posting about specific lyrics that speak to me later on, but for now I suggest listening to these when you have some time to really listen and give your attention to God.
This first Exalt was probably the first experience that really brought me closer to God and created the "new" relationship I have with Him now, which is so much stronger and totally different from my relationship I had with Him for the first 17 years of my life. I wouldn't want it any other way! I highly recommend going to Adoration any time you can. It is hands down one of my favorite ways to pray and spend time with the Lord.
I am a cradle Catholic and went to Catholic grade school for eight years. I have always been fond of my beliefs, never feeling forced into my faith. I have always enjoyed being Catholic. I just didn't embrace it as much and often found myself going through the motions. For example, sitting through the Stations of the Cross was not the most exciting thing to do in the 1st grade. So what I remembered about adoration wasn't uplifting. Sitting in silence in a church while staring at the Eucharist in a pretty gold thing is how I would describe it. I never remember understanding why adoration was even a thing. Now this may seem ridiculous considering how much emphasis Catholicism puts on the Body of Christ and how we believe that it is, in fact, the FLESH of Jesus Christ. I'll admit that up until that night at adoration with my Newman friends, I still didn't exactly get it. It makes perfect sense now why I didn't understand the beauty and importance of adoration:
1) I didn't really grasp the concept that it was the legitimate Body of Christ. Growing up, I always just thought of it figuratively, BUT AS THE ACTUAL BODY. I knew it was the flesh, but somehow it was still symbolic, but more important than just a symbol. Don't ask me! My previous mind set and thoughts confuse me greatly. This fact about my previous lack of knowledge is very embarrassing.
2) Because of number one, I didn't understand the importance of the ACTUAL BODY OF CHRIST, which is horrible, but I never caught on that I was confused about my beliefs.
It make sense that I can't see the importance of being in the presence of the Body of Christ when I don't even understand that it is his FLESH.
Through our Exalt, which incorporated praise and worship music, not just 100% silence 100% of the time, I learned so much about Jesus' love for me that just never clicked before. It was life changing and I can't even remember what it was like when adoration wasn't a thing in my life. One of the parts that I really love about adoration is the vulnerability we possess because we open our hearts to Jesus and let him know what's up. Being able to confront all our feelings, including the worry, the fear, the sadness, is one of the best feelings. It is truly giving yourself to God, which is the least we can do when we think about what He did for us. I shed tears, but at the end of that Exult I was on a Jesus high. I felt truly invincible and ready to take on the world. I guess you could say I really felt God's grace and the Holy Spirit within me. It was at the Exalt that I was introduced to most of the modern worships songs that I know now. These included:
1) One Thing Remains
2) Here I Am To Worship
3) Our God
I will be posting about specific lyrics that speak to me later on, but for now I suggest listening to these when you have some time to really listen and give your attention to God.
This first Exalt was probably the first experience that really brought me closer to God and created the "new" relationship I have with Him now, which is so much stronger and totally different from my relationship I had with Him for the first 17 years of my life. I wouldn't want it any other way! I highly recommend going to Adoration any time you can. It is hands down one of my favorite ways to pray and spend time with the Lord.
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