I walk into the church. I dip my finger in holy water and make the Sign of the Cross. I genuflect before I make my way over to the pews. It is stuffy in the church, but it is a reminder of the beautiful weather of a September evening. The fans are going around overhead.Their buzz and a little bit of chatter are the only sounds that fill the church. Still, there is a silence, a peace about. I slip into a pew with two girls I met at Newman. I let down the riser and kneel to pray, which is something involuntary. I am not sure what to expect, but I smile to myself. I continue praying. Then the priest comes out. Adoration and Benediction begins. It's not like I remember...
I am a cradle Catholic and went to Catholic grade school for eight years. I have always been fond of my beliefs, never feeling forced into my faith. I have always enjoyed being Catholic. I just didn't embrace it as much and often found myself going through the motions. For example, sitting through the Stations of the Cross was not the most exciting thing to do in the 1st grade. So what I remembered about adoration wasn't uplifting. Sitting in silence in a church while staring at the Eucharist in a pretty gold thing is how I would describe it. I never remember understanding why adoration was even a thing. Now this may seem ridiculous considering how much emphasis Catholicism puts on the Body of Christ and how we believe that it is, in fact, the FLESH of Jesus Christ. I'll admit that up until that night at adoration with my Newman friends, I still didn't exactly get it. It makes perfect sense now why I didn't understand the beauty and importance of adoration:
1) I didn't really grasp the concept that it was the legitimate Body of Christ. Growing up, I always just thought of it figuratively, BUT AS THE ACTUAL BODY. I knew it was the flesh, but somehow it was still symbolic, but more important than just a symbol. Don't ask me! My previous mind set and thoughts confuse me greatly. This fact about my previous lack of knowledge is very embarrassing.
2) Because of number one, I didn't understand the importance of the ACTUAL BODY OF CHRIST, which is horrible, but I never caught on that I was confused about my beliefs.
It make sense that I can't see the importance of being in the presence of the Body of Christ when I don't even understand that it is his FLESH.
Through our Exalt, which incorporated praise and worship music, not just 100% silence 100% of the time, I learned so much about Jesus' love for me that just never clicked before. It was life changing and I can't even remember what it was like when adoration wasn't a thing in my life. One of the parts that I really love about adoration is the vulnerability we possess because we open our hearts to Jesus and let him know what's up. Being able to confront all our feelings, including the worry, the fear, the sadness, is one of the best feelings. It is truly giving yourself to God, which is the least we can do when we think about what He did for us. I shed tears, but at the end of that Exult I was on a Jesus high. I felt truly invincible and ready to take on the world. I guess you could say I really felt God's grace and the Holy Spirit within me. It was at the Exalt that I was introduced to most of the modern worships songs that I know now. These included:
1) One Thing Remains
2) Here I Am To Worship
3) Our God
I will be posting about specific lyrics that speak to me later on, but for now I suggest listening to these when you have some time to really listen and give your attention to God.
This first Exalt was probably the first experience that really brought me closer to God and created the "new" relationship I have with Him now, which is so much stronger and totally different from my relationship I had with Him for the first 17 years of my life. I wouldn't want it any other way! I highly recommend going to Adoration any time you can. It is hands down one of my favorite ways to pray and spend time with the Lord.
No comments:
Post a Comment