"Hope Does Not Disappoint [...]"

I wrote this in 2016 the summer before my senior year of college and just realized I never posted it. A lot of things are different now in my life and in the world. HOWEVER, just as GOD is constant, His message still rings true...and just in time for a baby boy to enter the world. 

Here's a fact about me: I always have hope. It is a rare case where you find me giving up on something or someone. In any relationship or any situation, I'll be the first to offer up a positive to the situation. It's only in times of complete darkness that I see the light of my candle. Now if you know me at all or talk to me often, you know that my summer was not what I expected it to be. In the midst of it all, I really felt the lowest I have ever felt. Everything just seemed to be out of place. As the summer unfolded, God just revealed the beauty of His timing and creation. It is for this reason I never lost hope.

This summer had its ups and downs. All of my closest friends were away for the summer and I was waiting on my graduate school application to open up. I spent most days alone while my parents worked and most nights when my mother was taking care of my grandmother. I didn't have the joy that I always seem to possess and it just felt wrong. God has blessed me in so many ways that I am overwhelmed in the best way when I think about it. My whole journey to Walsh has been the biggest blessing. If I am being truthful, there was one point of the summer where I felt like I didn't have a purpose. Now let me clarify. I know that I have a purpose. I constantly remind myself that God has a plan. I just felt like I was wasting time. I wasn't even watching movies or scrolling through social media. I don't even know what I did, but I wasn't doing what GOD wanted me to do. This really upset me. I was in a negative headspace and I really just needed some fun interaction with friends. I truly just felt alone. Plans fall through and life is disappointing sometimes. Sometimes you just need someone to step up and be a friend, but no one seemed to be there.

But one thing saved me. I don't mean to be dramatic. As much as I felt alone, I knew God was making those footprints in the sand. But God started to reveal that joy to me again in the least likely of places. All through the summer I was doing observations. So for ease of getting there, I stayed over my aunt's where my grandma is being taken care of and is living. I have always had a good relationship with my grandma. I am the last of 11 grandkids or so. Every day I took care of my grandma and each day I continue to do so, God reveals to me how much faith, hope, and love matter. Not only is God showering me with grace, but He reveals the beauty life holds. As I started taking care of my grandma, I knew I found a purpose for my summer. As I kept observing for physical therapy I realized I was where God was calling me. I had so much clarity at where I was on my journey. So those plans that fell through or that disappointment throughout the summer didn't matter because I was close to God and He is what matters. I was invited to Heaven every day and the beauty of life was revealed to me.

I have so much hope for the future, for my family, and for this next semester. Some of my greatest memories are the ones spent taking care of the ones I love. I have learned so much this summer about anything and everything where it matters. Never lose hope.

"through whom we have gained access [by faith] to this grace in which we stand, and we boast in hope of the glory of God. 

Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, 

and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope,

and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been given to us." Romans 5:2-7